


No Way Out

by Sira, ufp13



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-16
Updated: 2008-06-16
Packaged: 2017-11-09 15:13:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/456907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sira/pseuds/Sira, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ufp13/pseuds/ufp13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Resistance Add-on. What would have happened if Augris hadn't died.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Way Out

She felt fear creeping closer and closer, but she refused to let it overwhelm her. She had found herself in dangerous situations before and had always managed to escape them alive – obviously. This time wouldn't be any different, she promised herself. All she needed was a good plan, and she needed it now.

The voice of Augris, dripping with sarcasm, wormed itself into Janeway's consciousness, thereby interrupting her line of thought. She nearly cringed when she made out the words. Having to listen to the Mokra leader belittling Caylem was as painful for her as it clearly was for the old man himself, who kept denying everything he was told in a voice full of anguish. Caylem didn't want to hear the truth, couldn't bear it. All Janeway wished for in that moment was for Augris to leave Caylem alone, it even took over the wish to escape.

As if he had heard her thoughts, the black vested leader suddenly switched his focus to her and their eyes locked even though he didn't stop talking to Caylem. He was obviously taking stock of her, but the way he looked at her held nothing but darkness and a deep feeling of foreboding filled Janeway. The seconds ticked by slowly and with the passing of time the uneasiness in Janeway's stomach grew as he kept looking at her with this dark intense stare.

"So much tragedy for one man to bear," Augris' voice was full of faked pity. "And now your foolishness has condemned another innocent woman." Finally taking his eyes off Janeway, he cast one last look at the old broken man. "Take him and the others back for questioning. I'll interrogate this one myself," he said nodding in Janeway's direction.

At this statement, uttered with spine-chilling calmness, panic began to rise within Janeway. She instantly tried to suppress it, but feeling herself being grabbed from behind didn't make it easy. Out of the corner of her eye she saw that B'Elanna, Tuvok and Caylem were led in the opposite direction.

They pushed her down a narrow dark corridor, which made her stumble occasionally. Thanks to the helmets that hid the faces of her capturers she couldn't distinguish if they enjoyed seeing her suffer or if it was only a show for Augris who walked behind them, close enough for her to hear his footsteps on the ground and his even breathing.

He was calm and that disturbed her more than she wanted to let on.

For a moment the face of a Cardassian soldier flashed in front of her inner eye, reminding her of the time she had been captured by the violent race. She took a deep breath to reign in her emotions. She needed to be strong and focused now; she had no idea what awaited her though she considered it unlikely that Augris intended to break her. Certainly he'd be open for negotiations. Almost everyone was when you offered them just what they wanted, and if he wasn't, Voyager would find a way to get them out of here, she was sure of that. After all they had gotten out of worse situations before.

The loud creak of a door being opened in front of her brought Janeway back from the sea of thoughts she had been lost in. Accompanied by a hard shove she stumbled forward into the dark room, trying to regain her equilibrium.

The single light bulb hanging from the ceiling was switched on, allowing her to take in her surroundings. The room wasn't much more than a small cell – a dark, cold cell with mould on the walls. It was furnished with two chairs and a table holding various items from chains to whips and other things Janeway couldn't identify. Her breathing quickened. She averted her gaze and turned around.

Augris and the two guards had entered behind her, and then the door had been closed. Only now did Kathryn realise that there wasn't a single window in neither the room nor the door, and that the room was way too crowded with the four of them in there.

"Sit down," Augris ordered Janeway quietly. He looked composed and in control with only the barest hint of anger flickering in his eyes. When Kathryn didn't comply at once, he motioned for the guards who stepped forward instantly, each seizing one of her arms. They dragged her down onto one the chairs. As soon as they released her, Kathryn rubbed her arms. She would have bruises in the morning.

Janeway glared at Augris, but the Mokra leader seemed unaffected and showed no reaction whatsoever as he crossed the room and sat down opposite of her. They sat so close now that their knees were almost touching. If it hadn't been for the guards standing right behind her, Kathryn would have retreated.

"Now, let's talk," Augris opened the interrogation.

"About what? I don't think I've got anything to talk to you about. Besides the fact that you keep me and my crew captured here without any reason whatsoever."

"You think you are especially smart, don't you, _Captain_ Janeway?" Augris asked, exaggerating her title.

Kathryn shook her head. "No, I don't. But this whole situation is ridiculous, Augris. That's what we should talk about."

She didn't see it coming, but suddenly her cheek was burning with the stinging pain of a hand impacting hard with her face. Feeling a need to cover her face she lifted her hands, but the guards grasped them, holding them down.

Augris just looked at her, unperturbed and with not even a hitch in his breathing.

"Don't you dare talk to me as if we are equals. We're not, and if you want the others to survive you talk to me now."

"About what?" She barely managed to repeat her earlier question. Her face was hurting and it was difficult to get her surroundings into sharp focus again.

"The Resistance. We know you were in contact with them. I want to know with whom you spoke, and what you know about their internal structure, their contacts and their hide outs."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

That answer got her another slap across the face – on the other cheek this time. It stung and for a moment the pain blinded her. She had to blink a few times to clear her vision. Her breathing was erratic.

"Let's try that again. The Resistance. Who is their leader and where are they hiding?"

"I have …" This time she saw the dangerous flicker in his eyes and stopped herself just in time. "Just in case there is something I might want to tell you," she started anew, trying to think of a way to wriggle herself out of this situation. "What would I get for talking to you?"

"You mean if I will let you all go and send you back to Voyager, perhaps even with a few presents for the long way home?" He laughed menacingly.

"I just want to know if you intend to let us go at all," she said glaring at him. "You don't think I'll talk to you for nothing, do you?"

"Wake up, woman." Augris shook his head, giving her a look as if she was a particular petulant child.

"Should it happen that you indeed have some valuable information for me, I might find myself in the mood to release the other three."

Her mind started to process the information - _the other three_. That would be a beginning. If they could get back to Voyager, they would surely find a way to get her out of there, but what could she tell him?Obviously, she had taken too much time contemplating for Augris' liking as he proceeded to remind her that he didn't like to be kept waiting with a hard punch to her mouth. Her head snapped back under the pressure, and a small trail of blood trickled down over her chin from the cracked lip his blow had caused.

Her whole face seemed on fire now, and she thought it possible that his fingers had left permanent marks on her skin. Janeway closed her eyes, willing the pain to ebb away – this proved to be another mistake though as he slapped her in the same spot again.

Kathryn's eyes flew open. She felt pain soaring through her body and let out a muffled cry. Her hands twitched in the tight hold of the guards, her body bucking. Tears of pain and anger hovered at the edges of her eyes, threatening to trail down her cheeks every second.

"This is my last warning, woman. If you don't talk now, it's going to get ugly." Augris was standing directly in front of her. His eyes communicated the sincerity of his statement.

Pain and fear started to merge inside Janeway though she tried not to let it show. She couldn't afford to. _She had to be strong - for herself as much as for her crew. She had survived worse, hadn't she? She would make it through this. She simply had to._

"We… we didn't talk to the Resistance." She tasted blood as she flickered her tongue over her dry split lip in a futile attempted to moisten it. "We came here two days ago and mingled with the locals, trying to figure out the best way to attain Tellerium. We didn't mean any harm. We just…"

Augris interrupted her with a snort. "The same nonsense your Commander told me."

 _Chakotay?_ A small spark of hope flared up within Janeway. _He had talked to Chakotay? Did Chakotay know that they were imprisoned here?_

"The Commander was right."

"You are talking nonsense as well." He leaned down toward her until only inches separated their faces, and she could feel his foul breath on her skin. The smell made her nauseous. His hands sneaked around her neck, squeezing it just enough to bruise and decrease the intake of air to an insufficient level. It hurt, made her light-headed and evoked the urge to throw up, which she suppressed, knowing that it would be the death of her. She could feel her power dwindling as she tried to wriggle out of Augris' grasp, but she was still unable to move a muscle. Just before she was about to lose consciousness the Mokra leader finally released her. She coughed violently while trying to get as much air into her lungs as she could.

"You have one hour to decide if you wouldn't rather tell me the truth. Should you decide against that I'll have a surprise for you, and should that still not be enough I'll execute your beloved Caylem in about two hours." Without waiting for any confirmation that she had heard him, he retrieved a pair of handcuffs from the table in the corner and fastened them around her wrists in front of her body. The guards released her hands and followed Augris out of the cell.

Alone at last, Kathryn collapsed onto the ground, her heart beat erratically and she was hurting in several places. She reached up with her almost numb arms to touch her face, to feel if something was broken. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. She rolled onto her back, letting the coldness of the floor seep into her body. She needed her mind to clear, needed to think – and she only had one hour.

=/\=

Full of rage and solicitude Chakotay paced around Voyager's conference room. "We have to return to the Alsaurian home world as fast as possible. We have to get back the Captain, Torres and Tuvok.

"Any ideas?" He looked around at all the faces.

"I think our best bet is to sneak in with a shuttle," Tom Paris suggested.

"I don't think so, Tom," Harry disagreed. "They'll detect you in no time at all, and we can't help anyone by getting shot."

"We'll go in right over the pole. The storm will have diminished by now, but it might be enough to confuse their sensors and get us down there."

"We all know that you're an excellent pilot, Lieutenant Paris," Chakotay joined the discussion. "But the risk that you'll be detected and the shuttle won't make it is too high."

"You're damned right about me being the best pilot on board here, Commander. It's our best chance to get them back, and you know it."

Voyager's XO sighed, balling his fists. "Okay, Lieutenant. I can't say that I really approve of your plan, but it's the only one we've got. I'll go with you…"

"Sorry, Sir, but I don't think that's a good idea. In case… in case the shuttle doesn't return, Voyager will need a commanding officer. Let me go and take Neelix with us instead," Harry Kim voiced his concern.

"Neelix?"

"He knows the planet and I'm sure he'll be more than willing to help."

Chakotay slowly unclenched his fists. "Okay, let's do it."

=/\=

When Augris returned to the cell he found Voyager's captain sitting on the floor, her knees drawn up, arms wound around them.

As soon as she had heard steps nearing, she had fixed her eyes on the door in order to cover her anxiousness and put up a brave front.

"Sit," he commanded pointing at the chair she had occupied not long ago. Due to her still cuffed hands, Janeway scrambled up from the floor with some difficulty and sat down on the chair once again. Augris took his place opposite of her, the guards behind her.

"Talk!"

"As I told you, we didn't have contact with the Resistance. We didn't even know how to get in contact with them. We were completely on our own."

"That's funny, considering that this young woman with the temper said something completely different."

Kathryn watched him closely. _Was he telling the truth? Had B'Elanna really broken down? She certainly was temperamental and if someone pushed the right buttons… Oh God, had the others received a treatment similar to hers?_ She swallowed.

"If she said something like that it's because your way of questioning must have made her think that it's best to tell you what you want to hear. I can assure you that it's not the truth."

"So, it's not. Are you absolutely sure."

"Yes, I am." With all the determination she could muster Janeway stared at her opponent.

"I see." Augris stared to move. Kathryn's head tilted back on its own volition for fear to be hit again, but the Mokra just got up and walked around the chair she was sitting on, until he came to a hold right behind her. He leaned forward, his breath dancing over the skin of her neck, and whispered into her ear. "I see that you need a lecture. You really ask for it, don't you?"

"No, I don't." Her voice sounded stronger than she felt.

He laughed as if she had just made the joke of the year, causing an unpleasant shiver to run down her spine. "Do you remember the guard you fooled when you came here? The one you offered some 'pleasure'?"

Kathryn swallowed hard. "It was necessary to fool him. You wouldn't have opened the door for me willingly, would you?"

"You got that right, woman, but let's return to the business at hand. You see, I thought that after you promised him some 'fun' you should be true to your word. He's recovered and I asked him to come and visit you. He was rather delighted by the prospect. I hope you use the time with him to rethink some things. It would be a pity to hurt poor Caylem any further, wouldn't it?"

Fear surged through Janeway. She tried to jump up from the chair, but again the guards were faster. However, instead of pressing her back into the chair they dragged her up and over to the nearest wall where four metal rings where mounted in the stone. For a few seconds her hands were free as they removed the handcuffs, but it didn't last and mere seconds later Kathryn found herself chained with her back to the wall.

The door opened to reveal a grinning guard. His hand was already fumbling the zipper of his trousers. Kathryn's eyes widened in terror.

"I guess we should leave these two lovebirds alone for now," Augris said, his voice dripping with sarcastic sweetness from the other end of the small room. Janeway looked at him, helplessly begging.

"Please, don't do this. Let's talk, negotiate…"

"Too late for that," he interrupted her while walking over, a black shawl in his hand, which he swiftly wrapped around her head, blinding her.

"No, please don't do this. I beg you." By now her voice mirrored her desperation.

He slapped her again. Her head impacted hard with the wall and everything went black around her.

=/\=

"Paris to Voyager. We're on our way now, Commander."

Chakotay observed the shuttle on the view screen from his chair on the bridge. "Good luck, gentlemen, and bring our people back safely."

"We will, Commander, I promise. Paris out."

Voyager's first officer could hardly sit still, but didn't know what else to do. There was nothing else to do – except to wait for Paris, Harry and Neelix to accomplish their mission.

He would have liked to meditate now, asking the spirits for the safe return of his crew, the safe return of his Captain and lover, but he was needed here. Right now, he had to display strength for the others whose anxiousness was written all over their faces.

Chakotay closed his eyes for a brief moment then took a steadying breath. Tom Paris was one hell of a pilot and he would succeed. He just had to.

=/\=

She was dreaming. Dreaming of the night Chakotay and she had gone beyond being colleagues, beyond being friends. It had been a few days after they had been plagued by visions brought to them by a telepathic alien.She had been sitting in her quarters under the viewport and had stared into space, trying to shake of the images of Mark. Images of how it had felt to be in his arms, to feel his lips on her own again, to feel safe, to feel loved. It pained her to think that they might not ever meet again, that what she had back on Earth was gone forever.

That wasn't all that had been troubling her though. It was normal to miss your loved ones, to experience the pain even after a year had passed and you could be sure that they would have moved on without you.

However, it wasn't normal that there was another man in her mind; even while she had been in the arms of Mark, although only in a vision, she had thought of another man, how it would feel to be in his arms, to brush his lips with hers, to make love with him. It had been then that her vision had changed and she had felt the love and desire she felt for Chakotay, and in that instant she'd realized that she'd never desired anyone more than she did him.

She couldn't stop to wonder how reality would compare to her fantasies.

She had long ago lost count of the times she'd woken up during the night with a feeling of guilty arousal. However, even though she had tried almost everything to stop these fantasies, she had been unable to keep herself from thinking and wondering about him.

That night her door had chimed and the person entering had been the object of her thoughts. As always he had sensed her mood the instant he laid eyes on her. His face had darkened with worry.

"Are you all right, Captain?"

"I'm fine, Commander. What can I do for you?"

He had come over and seated himself beside her on the couch.

"It's nothing, really. Just some reports, but I can see that you have something on your mind. The reports can wait until morning." He had let the PADDs he had been holding slip onto the table. "Do you want to talk about it?"

His nearness had affected her. Her heartbeat had risen instantly. Nonetheless, she had acted composed or at least she had tried to. _What else could she have done? She was the Captain of this ship and he was her subordinate. She was engaged and rumour had it that he still wasn't over his feelings for Seska._

When she finally turned to him, she tried to look as if nothing in the world had perturbed her.

"I was just thinking about the alien and his visions. It was scary how well he was able to read us, how he showed us our deepest longings. It's not easy to let go of these images."

Chakotay had shaken his head in agreement. "No, it isn't. I think the worst part of it isn't that he made our fantasies real, if only in our mind, but that it is fantasies that we try to bury hard because they are hardly appropriate. Let's be honest, if it was something we could reach for real, it wouldn't be a fantasy anymore, would it?"

She had smiled wistfully at that. "No, it wouldn't."

Their eyes had met and there she had seen it – the same desire she felt, the same hopelessness, the same wish for making this fantasy reality. She had made a futile attempt to disengage her eyes from the invisible hold of his but to no avail. She couldn't turn away. When he had swallowed with nervousness it had been her undoing.

She had lifted her hand to cup his cheek, stroking it softly with her thumb. His eyes had fallen shut for a moment and when he opened them again there was a determination in them that had taken her breath away. There would be no turning back now.

Chakotay leaned in and their lips met. She'd acknowledge happily that reality was far better than any fantasy could ever be.

The rest of the night had passed in a blur. His lips on hers, gentle at first but becoming more and more demanding; the almost frantic disposal of clothes while stumbling toward the bedroom; his naked skin against hers; the goose bumps she had been covered in when his fingers had expertly trailed up and down her body, playing it like a musician his instrument.

She remembered his moans of pleasure when she had covered all of his body with little kisses. She remembered how his gaze had burned into hers when he had taken control again, turning her onto her back and entering her slowly. She remembered how the gentle rhythm of their lovemaking soon had turned into frenzy. She remembered coming hard, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. She remembered how he had cried out when he had followed her over the edge of ecstasy soon after, but most of all she remembered feeling loved.

The reality was a different one at the moment though. She woke up with a pounding headache in the middle of a world without light. For a short minute she was disorientated then realisation dawned on her and she had to use all her inner strength not to cry out. As she tried to move her hands to get rid of the blindfold she found them still tied to the wall.

_How long had she been unconscious? Had… it… happened already? How late was it? Was she alone in this room? Where was Voyager's crew? When would they come to rescue her? They would come, wouldn't they?_

Janeway kept still and listened for any possible sound. Soon she could make out breathing not far away, causing her to shudder in fearful anticipation.

"Oh look, the little pie is shivering," a rough and nasty voice called out from somewhere in front of her. She tried to kick out but to no avail and the voice, she now recognized as the guard they had knocked down, laughed. "You are a passionate one, aren't you? Well, you can show me now, how much you love me, how wild and wet you can be for me." Another laugh followed that statement and Kathryn felt like throwing up. The next she heard was the shuffling of feet and suddenly a warm body pressed into her, immobilizing her legs efficiently in the process.

She broke into a sweat. Angry tears formed in her eyes.

"You don't have to do this," she started, her voice being husky and it was hard to speak as her tongue was swollen. She must have bitten onto it earlier while she had been unconscious. "If you help me there are things I can offer…"

The only answer she received was a punch to her stomach, which forced all air out of her. If she hadn't been pinned to the wall, she would have doubled over from the pain.

"If you so much as make the attempt to talk again, I'm going to slash you open, honey pie. Is that clear?"

No word made it past Janeway's lips. She couldn't have spoken even if she had wanted to. The pain resulting from the blow was almost enough to make her faint again. However, this time she was denied that welcome oblivion.

"I said, is that clear? I want to see you nod, bitch, or I swear you'll pay for this."

Collecting all her strength she nodded slowly.

"Good. Just remember to remain still. We don't want to shed too much blood, do we?" To emphasize the warning the cold blade of a knife was pressed against Janeway's cheek, and she drew in a shaky breath.

As the blade was removed she tried to calm down, and she had almost succeeded when she felt the guard grab her dress and slice it open with the knife. It didn't take long and then the cold air of the cell hit her skin. Only clad in bra and panties she shivered.

_So, it was true. It was really going to happen. Now. He would take her. Maybe kill her – afterwards. She was all alone with no prospect of help. She wanted to scream but didn't dare. She was a confident woman – usually – one that could help herself, she was utterly helpless now though, and she hated it. Hated herself for having gotten into this situation. Hated Augris for his sick mind. Hated the world for just being. He would have his way with her and there was nothing she could do but wait and hope that she'd still be alive when he was finished with her._

The guard cut off the bra and threw it away before he tore the panties from her body with his bare hands.

"Are you hot for me, baby? Come on, I know you are."

His hand grasped her right breast, pinching her nipple hard. He was rough and it hurt. She bit her lip to keep the cry that was forming on her tongue from leaving her mouth.

The guard removed his hand and she heard his clothes rustling, probably his trousers falling around his ankles.

_Oh dear God. No!_

"I hope you're up for a wild ride, honey, because that's what you're gonna get."

No, she wasn't ready. She never would be. She tried to move her legs again, tried to kick him where she knew it would really hurt but didn't succeed. Following the path the frustration of her failure led her, she did the most stupid thing she had done since she had gotten herself into this situation and spat at her tormenter. Revenge followed within seconds as he slammed his fist into her stomach again and again.

Janeway didn't know how much time had passed until he stopped. She was only aware of the pain, which was all she felt. Her nerves screamed for release from the pain. Her hands twitched on their own volition. Breathing was nearly impossible and all coherent thought had left her.

She wished for death to fetch her - wished for the liberation death would bring.

=/\=

They had made it. Tom had safely landed the shuttle just outside the capital. From there they had continued their journey on foot. Within an hour Harry, Neelix and Tom found themselves part of the busy life in the streets of the city. People were buzzing with agitation. After listening for awhile the three Voyagers had found the reason for the overall perturbation: There had been an attempted outbreak in the city's prison.

The three men looked at each other. It must have been the Captain and the others trying to escape. Who else?

They had heard enough about the Mokra prison to know that they should hurry because the chance of freeing their shipmates alive dwindled with each passing minute. Worry clouded their faces as they made their way toward the jailhouse as fast as possible without arousing suspicion.

=/\=

It might have been minutes or hours, Kathryn couldn't tell. As soon as he stopped beating her, he lifted her legs and positioned himself between them.Hurt, pain, agony – they overpowered her senses. She had lost all feeling in her body. Only the persistent pain existed, flames of unbearable sensations that flashed through her. In the back of her mind she remembered faintly to keep from crying out and bit her tongue until it started to bleed.

With her body being abused both inside and outside she tried to hold on to the last shred of dignity she had and concentrated on surviving. She had to – for her crew, for her family on Earth. She shifted her concentration away from her current harsh situation to the people who mattered in her life, but each time she had constructed the image of a beloved in front of her inner eye another hard thrust shattered it with a new wave of pain.

When she thought she wouldn't be able to take it anymore, she finally felt him pull out of her and heard him move backward.

"I've got bitches that were better before." He spat at her. Janeway heard him dressing quickly, followed by steps and the sound of the door as it was opened and then shut again.

Hanging powerless in the chains, nearing unconsciousness, she was alone – for now.

Not much time went by before the door was opened again and hands freed her from her bindings. However, without them to hold her up she landed in a crumpled heap on the floor, her legs no longer able to support her. The blindfold was removed. She squinted a few times and was greeted by Augris' face mere inches from hers.

"You've got one more hour to decide what you want to tell me. Afterwards Caylem will be the first to die." He got up and left the room but not before having given her a final boot.

Janeway curled up into a tight ball and lay motionless on the cold ground as she had no strength left, not even for tears.

=/\=

Hiding at a necessary distance from the facility, Tom, Harry and Neelix stood debating their plan – again.

"We can't just walk in there and take our people," Harry said.

Tom raised his hand in exasperation. "So, do you have a better plan? This prison doesn't have any loopholes. There's only the direct way in."

"This would be suicide. We won't help anyone by getting ourselves killed within minutes."

"We won't be killed."

"We will, believe me. Be reasonable, Tom."

"I am."

"I've got an idea," Neelix suddenly said, his eyes fixated on a point in the distance.

"Another one with a plan. Nice." Tom rolled his eyes.

"It's a good one, Lieutenant. Do you see the Mokra prison guard over there, in full gear and moving away from the facility? Well, we know the path to the main entrance can't be viewed from the outside. How about we wait until the guard passes us and disappears around the bend, then we knock him unconscious, Harry takes his clothes and he will lead us in there as prisoners."

Tom and Harry looked stunned at Neelix.

"I like that plan, Tom."

"Me too."

The three men nodded at each other. "Let's do it."

When the guard had passed them, they followed him.

=/\=

She didn't want to open her eyes. It would take strength she didn't possess. She had lost all sense of time a long time ago and she didn't miss the feeling. It didn't matter how long she had been lying here or how long she would be lying here. She would die eventually and that was all she cared about. To die. There would be no one to come and rescue her. No white knight in shining armour to save this damsel in distress. She would die here, lost as she was – as would the others, and that was what pained her the most.

All of sudden a sound broke through her veil of silent gloom and suffering. A sound she hated for it had brought nothing but more pain until now, yet also a sound she welcomed as it might mark the beginning of the inevitable end; despite that the sound of the opening door send a shiver through her body.She was dragged off the ground and slapped when she didn't open her eyes in acknowledgement of the people present.

"Look at me, woman," a by now rather well-known voice growled into her ear. It was Augris, and it took all the willpower she had left to lift her eyelids.

Two guards held her upright. Their touch alone generated an urge to throw up. Only a trickle of fluid passed her lips though her stomach cramped for a while longer, only stopping when she was hit by a guard and her mind shifted its focus to the newly induced ache.

She used the time her eyes were open to look around. Two more guards stood at the entrance, holding Caylem between them. The old man took in her appearance and terror radiated from his eyes. His face turned ashen.

"Ralkana! No! What did they do to you? I'm going to kill them!"

The guards just laughed at that, at him, as one of them punched him in the stomach.

Upon seeing Caylem tortured like that, Kathryn's mind cleared enough to form a coherent thought and inflame a spark of resistance within her. _She had to do something for him._ She banished the horror of the situation from the forefront to the back of her mind and opened her mouth.

"I… want… to… talk," she managed.

"I thought you might say that," Augris said smugly. He nodded in the direction of the two guards who held Caylem. Following the silent order of their leader, they dragged the man to the other end of the cell and pinned him to the wall within Kathryn's line of sight. A gun was pointed to his head. Kathryn herself was pushed onto a chair.

"Okay, you want to talk about the resistance."

"Ralkana, no! Don't do this!" Caylem almost shouted at her while he unsuccessfully tried to jerk himself free. Kathryn ignored him, closed her eyes and swallowed.

"Yes." Her dry throat made speaking a hurtful and slow process. She coughed. "We… met with the resistance, but only to gather information about Tellerium. Not to… "

"With whom have you been in contact and where is the resistance located?" Augris interrupted her impatiently.

She didn't want to talk, however, the prospect of Caylem or Tuvok or B'Elanna getting killed had broken her will to keep still. She just couldn't let that happen.

Kathryn would have cried from the unfairness of it all if she had any tears left or the strength to shed them, but her bruised body was about to give in as blackness threatened to engulf her.

"We…," she began a sentence that no one would ever hear the end of as Tom, Harry and Neelix choose this moment to burst through the door. Each of them carried a weapon, which they pointed at the guards indicating that they wouldn't hesitate to fire without warning if they tried anything.

Augris' eyes widened in shock at this unexpected turn of events. Before he had time to act With what seemed inhuman powers Caylem managed to wound out of the grasp of the guards and jumped onto Augris' back, wrapping his thin hands around the Mokra leader's neck.

Janeway wanted to say something but instead broke down under the shocked gazes of her crew.

=/\=

She woke with a start. Her eyes flew open, but her sight was still unfocused. As she tried to sit up, she discovered that motion to be impossible – they had restrained her. Realising this Janeway struggled and cried out in desperation.

At once two people approached her. She stared at them, trying to focus and identify them. When her vision finally cleared, she looked into the composed face of the Doctor and Chakotay's pale one. _Obviously, she was in Voyager's sickbay. But how did she get here?_ She was about to ask what had happened when suddenly the memories flooded her mind.

She closed her eyes abruptly, and turned her head to the side. Being tied to the biobed as she was that was the farthest she could move to get away from them. She didn't want to see them, couldn't face them. Shame washed over her combined with the desire to curl up into a ball again.

"I'm sorry, Captain. We had to restrain you for your own safety. You were kicking around and in danger of hurting yourself."

"Take them off! Take the binds off!" she screamed at him with a raspy voice.

The Doctor removed the ties with expert hands, however, each time he brushed her skin Janeway cringed inside. As soon as he had freed her, she curled up on the bed, keeping her eyes closed."How are you feeling, Captain?" he enquired while he opened a medical tricorder and started to take some scans of her.

The only answer he got was silence.

"Captain?"

"Leave me alone. Please just leave me alone", Kathryn forced out through clenched teeth. She knew she had to face them soon, had to face reality but right now all she wanted was to forget.The EMH sighed in response and ran the tricorder over her one last time. Kathryn rather heard than felt the hiss of the hypospray against her neck before she relinquished herself to the welcome darkness of oblivion.

=/\=

Somewhat reluctantly Janeway left sickbay two days after she had woken up there for the first time since her run-in with the Mokra. Sleep was all that had been on her mind those days; she had only eaten when the doctor had forced her to, stating that she had to give her body something to work with to heal.

Chakotay had left her side only for short amounts of time when his presence was required elsewhere, though she had only once managed to gather enough strength to talk to him. Despite her longing to refuse to accept that it had all been real and hadn't just been a bad dream, she needed to know how the rest of the away team were doing, whether they had made it or not – she hadn't seen any of them during her stay in sickbay.Chakotay had told her about what Tuvok had gone through, yet, to her relief, B'Elanna had been spared. Caylem was okay, or what passed as okay when it came to the old man. He had gone back to his house where he waited for Ralkana and his wife to return to him. As glad as Kathryn was to hear he was alive, the thought of him being alone again down on the planet saddened her.

The moment she had confessed those emotions to Chakotay, he had taken her hand, wanting to offer comfort with the touch but had achieved the contrary. She had flinched and turned away instinctively. The hurt was plainly obvious in his eyes before he was able to cover it under a nonchalant smile of understanding. She had wanted to appease him, yet found she couldn't. So, he left, declaring that he would be back later, and she was glad that he had left.

=/\=

It had been two months since they had left the Alsaurian home world behind them. Her nightmares, however, were a constant companion. Almost every night she woke up from a dream where she was being abused again, her throat sore from screaming. The pain of reliving her violation in her sleep over and over again was nearly physical.

Although, she had been up and about in just a week and had taken up command again, she couldn't forget. She might act like Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager, but she wasn't sure that this was who she was. It didn't take her much soul-searching to recognize that she was different. She could even specify this feeling of "different" – broken; broken in a way that it might not be possible to fix.

The Doctor had suggested she should see a holographic counsellor, she had declined. Tuvok had offered a mind meld, she had refused. Chakotay had come to her several times to talk, she had sent him away.

Chakotay. Things between them were different. Since that fateful day they hadn't had a private conversation, which was her fault, not his. It had been she, who had practically kicked him out of her quarters twice.

She had seen the hurt in his eyes each time she had distanced herself from him, each time she had evaded his offered comfort. A comfort she suspected was for him as much as for her. Coldness grew between them, she noticed, but she found herself unable to do anything to change it.

She suppressed her emotions; she couldn't allow herself to feel as feeling meant pain, unbearable pain she didn't want to deal with.

During her off duty hours she hid in her quarters. Alone with a cup of coffee, she stared into space, wishing that she hadn't survived, wishing that she could forget. She postponed turning in for the night as long as possible every evening, knowing that sleep would only bring another nightmare but no rest.

=/\=

Hesitating she stood in front of his door and couldn't decide whether to ring the chime or not. The amount of time she had spent staring at the door without making a move awoke the curiosity of the crew members passing by. Finally, she gathered herself, she had gotten this far, she could take the last step as well – she rang the chime and the door opened almost immediately. She entered the room slowly. Chakotay sat on his couch, in a posture that mirrored her own vespertine one.

When he saw, who his visitor was his eyes widened. He got up and walked toward her but stopped at a respectable distance.

"Captain. What can I do for you?" His voice contained only the barest hint of emotion as he greeted her all businesslike.

Her hands fidgeted while she passed him and took the place on the couch he had abandoned only moments earlier. He followed her with his eyes before sitting down at the other end.

"Chakotay, I wanted… needed to talk to you." She eyed him shyly.

"About what?"

Kathryn took a deep and steadying breath. "I want to apologize."

Whatever it was Chakotay had expected from her, judging from his startled expression an apology had not been it. "For what?" His voice had softened and came out almost like a whisper.

"For the pain I put you through, for not being able to talk to you sooner."

He swallowed visibly. His hand reached out for her, only to stop in midair seeing her expression. He convolved his fingers into a fist and retrieved his hand. Suddenly all distant again, he looked away from her.

"Chakotay, please… I… I… just can't. It changed me." Her voice was cracking.

He sounded angry as he replied. "Why don't you let me help you? I'll always be there for you. I'll always be by your side, don't you know that?"

It was her turn to swallow. "I know but… it isn't enough. They broke something inside me… I'm not the same person anymore."

He shifted his glance toward her again. Their eyes locked, and for a long time they both remained silent.

"Why don't you give me a chance to help you through it?" He finally broke the silence in a whisper.

"I can't. I can't, Chakotay, as much as I wish it were different. I… I still love you, and that will never change, nonetheless, things won't ever be the same again." She turned her head in sadness and stared at the floor in front of her.

"What do you mean by that?"

Kathryn bit her bottom lip. "We can't go back to where we were, as if nothing had happened, Chakotay. I can't stand anyone touching me anymore. Not now, maybe never. I don't know…"

He studied her profile with a penetrating glance. "Do you think this is all I care for? Sex?!"

She took a shaky breath as a tear escaped her eye and formed a small, wet spot on the carpet. "No, that's not what I think. I know you better than that, but it's only one point of many, Chakotay. I can't stand to be close to you, to anyone, anymore. I can't feel attached to anything, yet I still need you."

"Need me? To what extend?" He sounded tired.

"As my trusted second in command, as my best friend… can you still be my friend, Chakotay? I really need one. I need _you_."

He took his time to contemplate what she had just said. Kathryn became nervous, afraid of the answer he would give, and was about to stand up and leave when he straightened up and looked at her again.

"Yes, I can do that. I know that it will kill me inside, but I can and I will do that."

She nodded and tried to swallow the lump in her throat. "Thank you." The two words were a warm whisper full of emotion that acknowledged the sacrifice of his feelings he was making at the behalf of hers.

"Maybe one day things can be different again. Maybe… one day." With that she left his quarters, the closing of the door a harsh sound in the stillness of the room while the words of hope echoed in his mind.

= End =


End file.
